I know I say this a lot but I just can't believe how fast time goes by. It really feels like yesterday that I was in the hospital in crucial pain just counting down the time until Jadelyn would finally make it into this world. I can't grasp how quick a month went by. It really saddens me that I'll be going back to work soon. 6 weeks felt like a week! I spend so much time with her that I don't want to know what it's going to feel like being away from her for even just a few hours a day. I want to cry just thinking about not being able to be by her side 24/7. Ahhhhh, it's killing me.
Happy one month, baby girl! I love how she can just chill on my lap without a care in the world and just fall asleep. I love how I have that special touch of soothing her like nobody else. I love how she stares into my eyes & just wants me to talk stories with her in the morning. I love how she'll let me kiss her all over her cheeks & lips without getting irritated. Plain & simple, I LOVE HER! Jadelyn & I just bond like no one else.
You know, I never had this "special" bond with Landon. Actually, Pat & I haven't. We were kids when we had Landon. I wasn't even close to being 21 years old! We were totally clueless & didn't know anything about raising a child. Thank God Pat's parents were there to help but maybe we got spoiled just a little too much. I'm not complaining about that because I appreciate every single thing that they've done for us & Landon but we never really got the hands on experience with raising him. He is definitely much closer to his grandparents than he is to us. I don't blame him.
Life is all about learning. It's okay to make mistakes but make sure you learn from them. I promised myself that I'd be a better parent with Jadelyn. There's a 6 year gap between Landon & Jadelyn so I definitely had a few years to mature & grow into a different person. A great example was this past Saturday, all my co-workers & friends went out to the club. It's been over a year since I went to a club. I really wanted to go & catch up, get all dolled up & just relax with my girls. Unfortunately I couldn't go because I got sick, Landon's asthma started acting up that night and I didn't have a babysitter. I was so irritated & mad at the world that I couldn't go but I realized that sacrifices had to be made. It's no longer about me anymore. When we got home from my parents' house that evening, I felt so much better about the decisions that I made that night. As we settled into bed, I glanced at Jadelyn for a minute or two and realized that at home is exactly where I needed to be, lying right next to my baby girl. It was such a bittersweet feeling.
Motherhood is one tough job! It's the one job that doesn't come with instructions. You'll never know what losing your patience feels like until you have a child. Although I'm super exhausted 99% of the time, even though I don't get as much rest as I used to and my days consists of diaper changing, washing baby's laundry, pumping milk, carrying and dancing a little baby around, washing bottles & being able to catch up on everything else like eating, sleeping, watching tv and chores only when she's asleep, I would not change a thing! The way I feel about her is unexplainable. I just know that Jadelyn & I will be closer than anything. Thank you God for answering my prayers & blessing me with my baby girl!